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How to Have Regular Casual Sex

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:17:03 +0000

Over the weekend, I spent some time with my dear friend Jack, a frequent contributor to Nerve.com, where he writes the column “I Did It for Science.” Jack is absolutely frighteningly brilliant–or at least, I’m always half-terrified, when I’m with him, that I won’t be able to keep up: He has a B.A. from Brown and a Ph.D. in Medieval Literature from Duke. And yet, he’s no geek: When he talks, you’re mesmerized by the stories he tells, amazed by the books he waxes so eloquent about it, and laughing at the jokes he’s always making. Plus, he’s so rakishly handsome–with a thick swirl of ginger hair, a toothy smile, and high cheekbones–that I always have a moment of elevated heart-beating when I first see him again. As if all that weren’t fantastic enough, he is a huge sweetheart: in addition to being attentive and sweet when we’re hanging out, he also goes out of his way to help me in any way he can.

Why am I not completely in love? Good question. I do have a little crush, of course–but Jack had already fallen hard for someone else before I met him. His long-time girlfriend. Oh, and incidentally? Jack’s girlfriend has another boyfriend. See, they’re in an open relationship. She has two boyfriends, both of whom she’s in love with. Jack’s only steady is her, and he worships her–although he also occasionally sleep with other women.

So … you see the dilemma here, in terms of Jack and me.

* * *

On the sunny afternoon that was this Saturday, we sat in a park and ate Vietnamese sandwiches as children played on the swings; and adults smoked cigarettes on the benches; and pigeons lurked, waiting for a choice bit of food to be dropped.

“I think I need to have some no-strings-attached sex, Jack,” I said as I tossed a bit of bread, causing an avalanche of dirty birds. “The only problem is, I always get attached. With or without the sex. How can I enjoy the physical aspect of intercourse, while keeping my emotions out of it?”

Jack agreed to give me some pointers. But first he had a caveat: “Casual sex is not for everyone. But if you’ve got the itch especially bad at a certain point in time, and you feel it’s necessary to scratch it … well, then, you might want to heed my advice.”

So now, without further adieu, here’s what Jack had to say on the matter:

#1: Pick as your sexual partner someone who drives you crazy–in good and bad ways. Is there a person who really gets under your skin? A person to whom you feel powerfully sexually attracted–and yet completely infuriated by? Maybe he’s the cocky banker who went to college with a friend’s husband. Maybe he’s the hot idiot guy who works in the marketing department, who always seems to want to get into some inane conversation with you over the water cooler. Maybe he’s a crazy conservative and you’re a wacky liberal, or vice versa. If he’s kind of annoying–BUT you have sexual fantasies about him nonetheless–that person would be a good candidate for a casual-sex partner. He himself will be a constant reminder about why the relationship could never work out. The minute he opens his mouth, the reason will be clear.

#2: Make it clear to the other person–and yourself–up front that what you’re having is a tryst. How to do this? Don’t go out for dinner with the person, or for drinks. Do away with all the trappings of a romantic relationship. Give your sexual partner a small window of time during which you will be available–say, during your lunch break, or late-night on Friday–and use that time for sex, and sex only. Don’t sleep over, and don’t let him sleep over either.

#3: Repeat to yourself before, after and during sex: This is not about love, nor will it ever be. Remind yourself that all the pleasure and happiness you are feeling is a CHEMICAL response. You are not special to the person who are shagging, and he is not special to you. The two of you do not have some huge personal connection. What you’re doing is not related to “happily ever after.” (It may not even last a full three months.) It’s simply about sex, purely a physical release, and there’s no real future in it.

#4: Try to make it as hot and wild–even kinky–as possible. If you’re tied to the headboard, or he’s wearing a dog collar, the act itself will be a reminder that what you’re doing isn’t “making love” but having crazy sex.

#5: Don’t put up with any crap. Just because you’re only having casual sex, that doesn’t mean the dude can treat you badly. He should arrive when he says he’s going to; he should respond promptly to your communications; he should be working to hold on to the awesome gig you’ve given him, as your part-time temporary lover. In fact, feel free to make certain demands of him. Perhaps what you want is for him to bring over Thai take-out every time he visits; maybe it’s lattes; possibly you want him to rip you a copy of whatever new album he has recently downloaded. Whatever the case may be, remember: He is SOO lucky that he gets to have no-strings-attached sex with you.

#6. Remember that the true goal is to have an intense personal connection with someone–and to let the great sex follow from that. But if you haven’t found the right person yet, why not enjoy sex while you keep looking?”

* * *

My conversation with Jack ended–of course–with us joking around about how WE should have casual sex. Ha, ha, ha.

I’d love to.

But as much as I think Jack’s suggestions are brilliant–and will probably work for lots of other people–I still don’t think I can do it! I don’t think I can have casual sex.

Ladies … do you think YOU can?

xxx

From Marie Claire by Maura Kelly

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/dating-blog/casual-sex-tips-no-strings-attached

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How to Make Friends With Benefits Work

admin — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:01:27 +0000

Every man is in a “Friends With Benefits” relationship if he chooses to have sex with a girl and does not claim her as his girlfriend. Whether it’s casual sex with someone on various occasions or hooking up with a girl friend after a night of drinking, at some point there are strings attached.

The relationship may have started out as friends, but whenever sex is involved there will definitely be a level of emotional and physical attachment from the female involved. After all, what female do you know that isn’t emotional?

If you want to make sure the sex is mutual physical pleasure and nothing else, here are a few tips that should ensure your Friends with Benefits arrangement stays on a gratifying path.

1. Always Take Separate Cars
Yes you are friends, but keep in mind she is not your girlfriend. Riding together whether it’s to a designated “hook-up spot” or just to grab a bite to eat can send out the wrong message. The more time spent together doing “girlfriend/boyfriend” type activities the more mixed signals you send. Avoid adding too much of a personal aspect to your relationship.

2. No Vacations
This is obvious. She is not your girlfriend, so do not treat her as such. Many women give their relationship the official boyfriend tag when they take their first trip with that special guy. You are in the relationship for the benefits and not for the status, so do yourself a favor and keep your travels to a minimum. A trip to a bar or even a restaurant is okay. A trip to Mexico spells disaster.

3. Do Not Spend The Night
You two have had an incredible night together. Why ruin it by staying the night and cuddling? Cuddling is one of the top indicators that a man is into a woman after sex. I do not advice you to treat her as if it’s a wham, bam, thank you ma situation, but beware of too much affection. If you want to make sure you stay within the boundaries of Friends With Benefits, get up and go home after sex.

4. Decline Her Invite
The biggest advantage to a Friends With Benefits relationship is that both parties go into it with the idea that it’s just sex. In fact, it’s sex without love, obligations, and minimal expectations. Therefore, don’t feel like you are obligated to do anything except hook-up. I’m not encouraging you to be an ass, but I am recommending that you don’t get sucked into hanging out unnecessarily. Going with her to family functions, weddings, or even to the movies sends out the wrong message. The more time spent together the more her feelings will evolve towards you.

5. Play Your Position
This has to be the biggest rule to any relationship, but definitely for a Friends With Benefits situation. Think of your favorite sport. Let’s say basketball. If the point guard is playing the center position, he is bound to get dunked on. Understand where you stand in the relationship and what your part is. You are friends, but it’s just sex. Act accordingly!

From Mankind Unplugged by Tam-Star

http://mankindunplugged.com/2011/07/22/6-tips-to-make-a-friends-with-benefits-rela-work/

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How to Find a Fuck Buddy

admin — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 01:36:24 +0000

Finding a fuck buddy in your area but using a adult classifieds service, like craigslist causal encounters or by searching for a fuck buddy here.

Once you meet the one who you want to make this relationship with, there has to be some lustful flirting and mutual attraction. Other than that and maybe some rules you would like to establish, there’s nothing at all that should be done to start a fuck buddy relationship.

When do people become fuck buddies?
It can happen when you least expect it. And surprisingly, most of the times, a fuck buddy is found when you’re down in the pits, almost always when you’re trying to get over a broken relationship. Or trying to find something on the side because you’ve got a busy schedule.

Stacy, a 32 year old working at a law firm says she has a fuck buddy with whom she’s physically intimate, and loves the fact that she has someone with whom she can relate physically, and yet not be held down by the rules of love. Stacy gets sexually satisfied without being tied down. Sounds good, right?

When you’re ambitious and cannot understand the point of thinking about someone else’s feelings and happiness, or if you just don’t want to be held down by another person’s feelings, a fuck buddy is a perfect solution. You don’t have to keep in touch with this person every day or every week, nor do you have to remember anniversaries or put up with cute little love tantrums.

But you can always call your fuck buddy and go all the way, whenever and wherever you want. This form of non-committal love can be fun, if you’re still looking for that hint of long term love, but just don’t want to jump in, especially if you’ve always felt that true love can wait while you explore the different opportunities life has to offer.

And most people, who are afraid of commitment, and even more scared of the typical one night stand, find this whole arrangement of fuck buddies a bit more secure and comforting.

Getting yourself a fuck buddy
Remember, getting yourself a fuck buddy is very different from getting yourself a loving partner. It just doesn’t work the same way. You can’t woo someone into sleeping with you, or get them drunk in the hope of having sex. It has to happen naturally, over time. And there has to be mutual sexual attraction. Make sure you read the ads carefully and not get yourself duped. This can be a mutually beneficially relationship for the both of you.

But the best way to get yourself a fuck buddy is by text flirting, sending hot pics and seeing if your new hot friend starts reciprocating.